I Lied About Faking an Orgasm and Now I Can’t Stop

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Here’s an awesome orgasm story from www.cosmopolitan.com. Enjoy!

My boyfriend and I have known each other and have been hooking up for almost two years now. I am the type of girl who is unable to orgasm through penetration alone. I had a conversation with my boyfriend a while ago about how I had never achieved a climax this way before, but he still felt determined that he could do it for me. After a few months of him feeling inadequate and several times where we would start having sex and stop shortly after because neither of us was having fun, I thought I should try to fix things. I faked an orgasm and he now believes he is the only guy that has ever done it for me. I feel guilty about it, but now that I have kept the lie up for so long, I am worried that it is going to make it even harder to tell him. I didn’t lie for me, I did it for him. I didn’t want him to feel emasculated. I don’t know what to do! Do I keep up the lie or just tell the truth and face the consequences?

In bed — as in nearly everywhere else in life — you have to say what you want to get what you want. Nobody’s going to read your mind. You’ve got to tell the truth, or it’s very unlikely that you’re going to be satisfied with your boyfriend (or by your boyfriend).

I get your worry: Guys do have this optimistic desire to climb any mountain and swim every sea. Too often, they see a woman’s orgasm as an obstacle to be overcome. They want to scale that peak and celebrate their accomplishment at the top. However, as you well know, this isn’t all about him. It’s not all about what makes him feel good, whether we’re talking about his orgasm, or his egotistic rush.

Your lie is completely understandable. So tell him the truth. Tell him that you lied because you care about him and you wanted to make him feel good — but now you realize you should have been honest. Apologize for lying but also explain that it doesn’t make him inadequate just because vaginal penetration alone doesn’t do it for you.

Because most guys are really stupid about the female orgasm, don’t presume he knows a damn thing. Educate him, beginning with the statistics in this Cosmopolitan article, “The Orgasm Deficit.” Tell him that this is entirely normal and there’s nothing wrong with him: About 70 percent of women do not orgasm through penetration. This means there’s nothing wrong with you. And there’s nothing wrong with him.

To ease his bruised ego, let him know that the problem isn’t that he’s not hot enough, or skilled enough, or that his dick is too small. In fact, there’s actually no problem at all. Women just don’t come all the time. When they do, they often need some clitoral stimulation of some sort, whether that’s from fingers or vibrators or whatever the hell feels good. Tell him that straight women particularly need a man who listens to what they say: A guy who listens to what feels good, who doesn’t see his girlfriend’s orgasm as a problem to be solved, or hurdle to be overcome.

That last bit, of course, puts the responsibility on you to be honest. If you lie, he’ll never get it. He’ll keep doing the same thing that (he thinks) worked once, confident that he’s got the magic dick you’ve been missing all your life. That’s why you have to tell him that you lied.

So, I identify as bisexual (albeit closeted), however, I have never actually had sex with a woman. My main issue is that I don’t really know where to meet women. The lesbians I know (who don’t know that I’m bi) have said that they would never have sex with a bi girl if they’ve been with a man. I really want to meet women who are OK with the fact that I’ve been with guys but not girls, but still identify as bi. Where is the best place to meet women? Continue reading here.

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